Do you ever "lie" to your children?

Happy Weekend, Powerful Parents!!!
It's been a great week! While watching an interesting 20/20 episode this evening, the correspondent reported on a few stories about dishonesty. The report started with Manti Te'O, the Notre Dame Football Player, and his story of being bamboozled from online catfish. Then the report went onto the controversy behind Beyonce' using a pre-recorded tape, during this weeks Inaugural performance of the Star Spangled Banner. The dishonesty report ended with a segment on how parents "lie"... to eachother and to their children. I became very interested when they broke down how and why, parents lie to their children. And I use the word "lie" loosely, because some may just call it, stretching the truth.

The report followed a few parents who admitted to lying to their children, to get the children to do what they wanted them to do. The lies that were told were many and few, from... how many toys the children could take with them out of the house for the day, why they could not play with a certain toy or why they could not play in a specific room in the house, to...why they couldn't go to a particular place.  When asked would it be hard NOT to lie to their chldren? One mom said, that it would be "hard for her not to lie to her children for a day". She said it would make "her life harder". In that families interview, within one interaction with the children (a few minutes), the parents had told about 5 lies just getting the children ready to leave the house.

The thing is...the children.. one as young as 2 years old, was catching on to mom embellishing the truth. When told he was not allowed to take any toys that could not fit in his pocket, because where they were going did not allow big toys. The little boy said "no...I can take toys that are bigger than my pocket". In almost every lie, this mom seemed to blame something or someone else for why the child could not do something that the parent simply, just did not want the child to do.

The question becomes...is it ok to "lie" to your children?  How often do you lie to your children? What kind of lies are ok to tell, what lies aren't? Then other questions...do you lie just to take the heat off of yourself, so you don't look like the bad guy? Or...do you lie so you don't make the child angry about the fact, that it is YOU keeping them from doing what they want to do?

Do some lies we tell our children about something as simple as...why they can't have something they want from the store, deny our children some of life's realities such as...."you can't always have what you want when you want it", or the fact that..."mommy/daddy does not think that you need that right now, so the answer is no" or "not right now"?

So...What message does lying give to our children (especially when they catch us in a lie) and does it say something about us as parents that we feel the need to lie?

Throughout my parenting, I have tried to avoid telling my chldren (ages 20 and 5) outright "lies". Although some may call, telling my 5 year old that Santa needs him to be good during Christmas season... a lie.  So it is up for debate of why parents lie, what they lie about, and if it's a lie or simply manipulation.

To take these questions/actions into a deeper discussion we can ask ourselves...do we as parents tell our kids these "lies" (cause the Santa "lie" is only used one time a year), to avoid possible discipline opportunities? Especially when a child may get really upset by hearing "no or not right now" or could be prone to a temper tantrum without our little lie?

We have to wonder is the lie worth it? And wonder if just telling the truth (makin sure the discussion behind the situation/reason is age appropriate) will benefit our children more,  giving them a better lesson of just trusting, respecting and listening to mom/dad.

What do you think about lying or stretching the truth to our children?

Have a great nite.

Twitter- @ParentingExpert
coachkumari@gmail.com