Sunday, February 8, 2015

Are your Kids Sarcastic?

Happy February Parents!!!

Hope you are enjoying your year so far.  As I meet more and more parents, it has become clear that some of us struggle with being sarcastic (which can translate into being mean/nasty) with our children.

So many of us are cynical by nature, but we have to watch our cynicism and sarcasm with our children because we can give them certain attitudes about things, people and life that we may regret later. 

As I watched a show that my 7 year old LOVES to watch on the Disney Channel tonite, I realized and recognized again that sarcasm and cynicism is what is "funny" even to our children. It is evident that money is made by the cute kid with the smart mouth and I have watched parents over and over again, who actually laugh at a fresh/grown little girl (or boy) with their hands on their hips. But my question is..when did it become cute/adorable to be fresh, sarcastic and cynical? 

How often are you cynical with your children? When does sarcasm become rude and mean? How does your child respond? Are they sarcastic back? 

I challenge you to become more aware of how you talk to your children, allow them to talk to you, and allow them to talk to others. 

Have a great week. 

Check out my website for more info on me and my work with parents.

Coach Kumari

Monday, January 5, 2015

Happy New Year Parents!!

Wow... did 2014 go by fast for you? Now that the holidays are over, kids are back to school and work has likely already become pretty busy... what have you decided that you are working on for the new year?

Are you trying to get some of that extra weight off that was gained over the holidays? Are you working on your relationships with your spouse, significant other? Do you want to make sure you have more time with the family? Do you need to make sure you have more "me" time? Do you want a better relationship with your children? Need to find more ways to communicate with them?

Or maybe the 2014 academic school year has been a challenge for your child, so you want to ensure you are more connected to their teachers or more involved in your child's goals for the remainder of the school year.

As parents, we always have little goals for ourselves, but many of us don't talk to our children about their goals or have a plan to follow through.

I have a contest running for the month of January offering one of my parenting books "Real Talk: Ten Parenting Strategies to Raise Confident Successful Children and a free consultation to two parents, who have goals for their own parenting this year, and/or have set up goals with their children and have a plan for execution. Drawing for the winner will be January 31, 2015. Winner will be contacted by email and/or cell/text message.

All you have to do is sit down with your children and talk to them about their goals and write down the action steps that both of you will take to execute the plan, then go on my website and on the contact page, give me your contact information and jot down the plan and action steps in the comment area.

We are all busy in general, but research has shown that when you tell someone your goals, you are more likely to follow through because of the accountability factor. If you keep it to yourself, no one knows you are working on it, so they will never ask you, "how is it going?".

Someone sent me a great new year message and part of it read "The difference between success and failure is action"...

Like life... we know that parenting is a journey, not a destiny. So what actions will you take this year in your parenting?

Hope to hear from you!

To great parenting.

Coach Kumari

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Do you judge your children?

Sometimes as parents we get in our own way, of being close to our children. This usually doesn't happen with a 5 or 7 year old, but when our children reach adolescence... when they start being more independent. 
We can get in our own way of great relationships with our children by not recognizing that we have to avoid making them feel judged when we talk to them, ask them questions , or respond to something they have done. This can definitely happen, when our children don't do something the way "we think" they should have done it. When we judge them often, or yell a lot, sometimes the result/repercussion is...our children don't trust us. 

Now some of us may have the attitude like "why wouldn't my child trust me, I'm their mom/dad" or "they have it way better than I did, so I don't understand why they just can't do things the way I want them to". 
But when I say "trust us", I don't mean trust that you won't have their back or trust that you won't feed them. I mean "trust" in terms of, trust you with their information... their secrets...their thoughts. 
Sometimes as parents, we can get down right haughty, when it comes to how we think our children should respond to us or how they should automatically talk to us. You have no idea how often I've heard parents say "my children know I"m here, if they want to talk". 

As was the case with a mom in one of my parent workshops a few weeks ago, who didn't understand why all three of her adolescent children (two boys, one girl), would not talk to her more. She became very angry with me when I asked her "what if your way of talking to your children is damaging the relationship you have with them"?  She could admit that she does "talk down" to her children, but became very upset with the thought that they might not trust her because of it. 
Her attitude, like most parents, is that her children "should appreciate her because her parents were stricter than she is". However, she had trouble accepting how she still was very controlling, did not allow her children a word in edgewise nor did she allow them to express their concerns without chastising them harshly. 
I could tell that mom, could possibly be, a "know-it-all",  and although as parents we do know a lot, we have to watch how we present that to our children. 
Our "always right" attitude can deter them from talking to us about their secrets, sometimes even their day to day activities are omitted, because they just don't want to hear our negative or condescending opinion. 

As parents, we always have to watch our tone and the way we come across to our children. It can make or break our relationships with them. 

When was the last time you asked your child how you were doing as a parent... And actually listened to the feedback? 

Keep connecting without judgment. 

To great parenting. 
Coach Kumari 
Reply or email me at 
Sunday, November 30, 2014

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving! Hope you had an awesome time with family and friends? Let's jump right in. My question this week for parents is;
How can we get our children to talk to us more? As we go through this journey of parenthood we likely ask our children more questions than anyone else in our lives? But how do we get the answers to some of these questions? 
For example....How many times have you asked a child "why did you do that?" and they shrug their shoulders? 
When we talk to our children we need to ensure that we are not only giving them our thoughts, ideas and opinions but also listening to what their thoughts are, their feelings, their opinions. 
I work with and meet so many parents who are more concerned about getting their point across and voicing their opinion with their children than they are concerned with connecting with their children, so that their children will talk to them more. 
I have worked with and meet so many parents whose children do not trust them with their secrets...their feelings...  
How do you get your children to talk to you? How do you get them to trust you with their secrets? 

Stay tuned for some communication tips. 

To great parenting.

Coach Kumari
Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Why aren't more parents involved in their children's success?

November 6, 2014

Hi Parents!!! It's dreary here on the east coast with the rain today, but Happy November!!  School is in full swing and some of us are having conferences with our children's teachers about progress, achievements and concerns. It's always amazing to get good feedback about our children's work in school, but it can be discouraging when we don't get all good news.

I've had a few meetings with school districts throughout NJ and it's been quite interesting how so many districts are facing the same concerns; trying to close the achievement gap in our education system in certain districts and getting more parental involvement in schools to support our children in their academic success. 

I facilitated a few workshops with parents in different districts in the last few days (some pics are posted here) and when I poll parents on why more parents are not involved in their children's success, I get several of the same answers....time of school events, accessibility, work schedule, and the like...

So I challenge you to answer the same question... why do you think more parents don't get involved in school activities? Why aren't our children performing at a higher standard in some districts? The reality is.. parents, students and teachers have to work together for a child to be successful academically. 

So what is the real problem or concern? Millions are being poured into our children, so it's not all the district. Teachers are getting pink slips at the end of every school year in some districts for performance, so it might not even be the staff. What do you think?

Have a great week...

Til next time.
Coach Kumari 

"If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do well matters very much." ~ Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

New Year Goals For Our Children!

Hi Wonderful Parents!! 
What are your children's goals for the new year? Children want to feel productive as well. Help them write them out with action steps! Encourage them! Love them! Assist them in achieving their goals and feeling empowered! 
Have a great day! 
Saturday, December 14, 2013

One of Those Weeks

You ever had one of those weeks that move so fast you wonder...where did it go? 
Well I have been thinking where did the year go, as we head toward the New Year, full speed ahead . 
As a mom and wife, I'm looking forward to the family spending some holiday time together and as an Entrepreneur , I'm trying to determine what's first on my list of to do's for my New Year's growth plan .

What's on your wish list for the new year? Is it a spa day? A nice vacation with family, by yourself or with friends you hardly see since you are so busy? Is it a nice gift you are seeking from hubby or one that you'll purchase yourself for all your hard work .. 
We deserve some "me time" moms... 

What are your plans for the new year to keep your sanity and take better care of you ? 

Chat soon... 

Monday, June 3, 2013

Happy Monday!!!

It's a beautiful day!! Those who are in my inner circle know that I always send out textes of my experiences with my 20 year old, (who always sends me flowers and gifts in the mail from college on no special occasion..but it being a Tuesday) and my 5 year old in his memorable moments called "My Ethan, My Ethan".. Well Last nite as Ethan fell asleep he whispered to me .."mommy can I have a hundred kisses and hug me real tight, don't ever let me go... Ever!" It melted my heart. 

So I want to ask all the loving parents today.. What is the sweetest or nicest thing your children has said to you or done for you that made you feel good.. Proud... And made your heart warm? 
Our kids are awesome!! 

Please post your comments for me on twitter @ParentingExpert or on Facebook (Kumari Ghafoor-Davis) on my page!! 

Would love to hear from you !!! 

Have a gracious Monday!!!