Do you judge your children?

Sometimes as parents we get in our own way, of being close to our children. This usually doesn't happen with a 5 or 7 year old, but when our children reach adolescence... when they start being more independent. 

We can get in our own way of great relationships with our children by not recognizing that we have to avoid making them feel judged when we talk to them, ask them questions , or respond to something they have done. This can definitely happen, when our children don't do something the way "we think" they should have done it. When we judge them often, or yell a lot, sometimes the result/repercussion is...our children don't trust us. 

Now some of us may have the attitude like "why wouldn't my child trust me, I'm their mom/dad" or "they have it way better than I did, so I don't understand why they just can't do things the way I want them to". 

But when I say "trust us", I don't mean trust that you won't have their back or trust that you won't feed them. I mean "trust" in terms of, trust you with their information... their secrets...their thoughts. 
Sometimes as parents, we can get down right haughty, when it comes to how we think our children should respond to us or how they should automatically talk to us. You have no idea how often I've heard parents say "my children know I"m here, if they want to talk". 

As was the case with a mom in one of my parent workshops a few weeks ago, who didn't understand why all three of her adolescent children (two boys, one girl), would not talk to her more. She became very angry with me when I asked her "what if your way of talking to your children is damaging the relationship you have with them"?  She could admit that she does "talk down" to her children, but became very upset with the thought that they might not trust her because of it. 

Her attitude, like most parents, is that her children "should appreciate her because her parents were stricter than she is". However, she had trouble accepting how she still was very controlling, did not allow her children a word in edgewise nor did she allow them to express their concerns without chastising them harshly. 

I could tell that mom, could possibly be, a "know-it-all",  and although as parents we do know a lot, we have to watch how we present that to our children. 

Our "always right" attitude can deter them from talking to us about their secrets, sometimes even their day to day activities are omitted, because they just don't want to hear our negative or condescending opinion. 

As parents, we always have to watch our tone and the way we come across to our children. It can make or break our relationships with them. 

When was the last time you asked your child how you were doing as a parent... And actually listened to the feedback? 

Keep connecting without judgment. 


To great parenting. 
Coach Kumari 
Reply or email me at coachkumari@gmail.com